But if I were dead, I would be the last to know.”, Off topic, but the McCartney statement reminds me of an ad I saw tonight by a personal injury legal firm. *sigh*. its not a one liner, but i read an anecdote where charles manson tried to kill dennis wilson because he changed the lyrics to his song, and dennis apperently beat him up and threw him out the window. In Gimme Shelter there’s a press conference where Mick Jagger is asked whether he had attained Satisfaction, to which he responds: “Financially dissatisfied, sexually satisfied, philosophically trying.”, My favorite… supposedly uttered by Ray Davies when asked to describe his relationship with Chrissie Hynde said something to the effect that it “was like a fairy tale directed by Alfred Hitchcock.”, My favorite: Here’s the set-up: Lou’s affair with Nico lasted through January and halfway through February. There’s no reason you should feel subordinate to any other Bob in the Halls of Rock. I always liked the one about a cantankerous journalist interviewing The Young brothers of AC/DC. &ldquoHaitus&rdquo Season 1 Episode 21 &mdash&ldquoTell him his mother&rsquos here, and she loves him, but not in a queer way.&rdquo &ldquoLudachristmas&rdquo Season 2 Episode 9 &mdash"Nice? Geology One Liners Did you hear oxygen and magnesium got together? Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up. Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday. I hope this thread’s author, chuckflack, is discovering some new ones as well. I just broke 80! Back stage at the No Nukes benefit concert (Springsteen, Jackson Brown, Tom Petty, Bonnie Raitt) in the late 70’s, Jackson Brown said to Tom Petty, “When you get out on stage, don’t worry. That Peter Grant story is classic. You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named ‘Bush,’ ‘Dick,’ and ‘Colon.’ I’m one of them.” Our minister was the best golfer in town. We left the floppy in the moving van.”. They consider a million years ago to be Recent. At one point he starts to deride them for releasing “7 albums that all sound the same”. It’s easy to tell a real dedicated doctor. APPOINTMENTS. Enjoy your 40th birthday bash, you party animal! Lots of great quotes I’d never heard before. Why are so many guitarists jokes one liners ? One-liners. The voiceover said that if you’ve suffered from any of the following AEs you might be eligible for a settlement. Enter these funny one-liners . Why did the tectonic plates break up? Here in this blog we bring to you 38 one-liners you can use to spark up your presentation. Larry Lujack (1940 – ) American radio disc jockey You know that you have really hit rock bottom. “Haitus” Season 1 Episode 21 — “Tell him his mother’s here, and she loves him, but not in … Golf One-Liners. Never Remarry. when he returned to stage he said “i’m sorry, but you were having too much fun.”. I said, “I know. ---Muddy Waters (p.s. A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Related Tags: one liners music one one day rock music one direction best music one line 80s music music composer one eye one leg hole in one one night stand senior what did one wall say to the other wall. When it fell apart, we really learned how Nico could be the mistress of the destructive one-liner. the kid could be tried by jury for attempted parricide . Americans worship money, we worship money. Here are 110 of the best jokes and one-liners of all time, compiled from our own selection of round-ups, and taken from the mouths of comedy legends past … . ) Here, The Hollywood Reporter looks at Stritch’s 10 best (and most acid-tongued) one-liners from 30 Rock. Below are more clever puns to share with loved ones and make them smile. A good one-liner can serve so many purposes I don’t even know where to begin. Van Morrison responds: “I’m Bozo the Fucking Clown.”, After a show in Cleveland in the early 1990s, Grant Hart is talking to a few fans outside at his van. SoundCloud has hired Lauren Wirtzer-Seawood as Chief Content And Marketing Officer.She joins from distribution company UnitedMasters, where she was President. Absolutely hilarious one liners! Lou said ‘Hello’ to her in a rather cold way, but just ‘Hello.’ She simply stood there. Funny One Liners (iStock) Nothing gets a good laugh better than a well-placed one-liner—and we could all use a little laughter during trying times. Learn more about working with Thought Catalog. He was taking his wife for granite, so she left him. Submit your writing to be published on Thought Catalog. Hearing this, Angus quickly interjects, “No mate, you’ve got it all wrong. Best One Liners The Best 1 Line Jokes of All-Time. "May the Quartz be with you" Look at all the practice he’s had in keeping his head down. Artist News Business News Industry People Labels & Publishers One Liners Releases By Andy Malt | Published on Tuesday 11 May 2021. Alex walks into the vocal booth, presses a gun against Lux’s temple and says, “Sing it right.”, “The rock and roll business is pretty absurd, but the world of serious music is much worse.”, At a Severed Heads show in New Orleans, 1992 or so, someone yelled a request between songs. Bon Scott was being interviewed about an AOR radio station and gave us this gem: “Their tag line was ‘rock without the noise.’ What is that? Check out the following for amazing one liners and rock your next presentation! &ldquoHaitus&rdquo Season 1 Episode 21 &mdash&ldquoTell him his mother&rsquos here, and she loves him, but not in a queer way.&rdquo &ldquoLudachristmas&rdquo Season 2 Episode 9 &mdash"Nice? I&rsquoll show you nice. I’m not sure if it’s an urban myth or what. If you’re going to f*cking panic — this book is here to help, 10 Nature Puns That Will Rock Your Socks Off, 25 Tree Puns That Are So Funny You Wood Not Believe It, 40 Banana Puns That Will Make You Burst With Sidesplitting Laughter, 25 Bread Puns That Are Hilarious (And Not At All Crumby), 30+ Birthday Puns That Will Make Getting Older Funnier. Here, The Hollywood Reporter looks at Stritch's 10 best (and most acid-tongued) one-liners from 30 Rock. “If I had to describe myself to an alien I’d say I was bigger than the average human, enjoy a drink or … Funny One Liners by Zsa Zsa Gabor. Here, The Hollywood Reporter looks at Stritch's 10 best (and most acid-tongued) one-liners from 30 Rock. By then she was finished with him. "The blues had a baby and they named the baby rock and roll." Voice only liner (no music or effects): $29 (You can buy more than one liner by changing the quantity on the checkout page) Package of 10 voice only liners: $199 (Ideal as a starter package to get you up and running) Select from the dropdown menu, then click the Add to Cart button: Geologists are down to "earth" people Geology Rocks, I really dig it. Someone asks him what he thinks of the Rock Hall being built in Cleveland. I found one tonight while reading John Cale’s autobiography, What’s Welsh for Zen? Sugilite, sardonyx and opal all fighting over a gumball. Our list of the best one line jokes of all time are curated by the bunch of comedians that make up the ADDucation team. Artist News Business News Industry People Labels & Publishers One Liners Releases By Andy Malt | Published on Friday 14 May 2021. There is seemingly no end to how many ways your beautiful brain can mess up your day with uncool thoughts, so comedian and mental health advocate Kelsey Darragh’s new workbook is about to become your new best friend and a permanent resident on your bedside table. It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them. Warner Music’s Rhino Entertainment has promoted Eric Franklin to VP Digital Account Strategy.“Eric’s passion for music is manifested in his exceptional work”, says President Mark Pinkus. Lux Interior is getting ready to do a lead vocal overdub. What are the other great rock one-liners? I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you. There’s also a negative side.” -~ Hunter S. Thompson. All rated by visitors and sorted from the best. A Rock Hudson Putt: Looks straight…but it ain't… My stockbroker’s a golf nut. The Rock’s return to WWE in 2011 to start his two-year long feud with John Cena showed he could still deliver his style… Have a gneiss day My rocks are gneiss, don't take them for granite. You'd be the Chevy Chase circa late-'70s of your social circle, the one who could be counted on to say the perfect thing at the perfect time to make everybody feel a little less uncomfortable and silly. Learn more about Thought Catalog and our writers on our about page. Holmes: It’s sedimentary, my dear Watson. McCartney issued a statement on the ‘Paul is dead’ rumour: “I am alive and well and unconcerned about the rumors of my death. My Sediments exactly! Are you ready to laugh until your bed rocks? When Ian Anderson mentioned that they were considering putting out a live album, John Bonham suggested the title, “Bore ’em at the Forum.”. Make us laugh and we’ll add your best 1 liner to the main ADDucation one line jokes list. Posted by hrrundivbakshi. Which reminds me of another great rock one-liner: That’s right, The Mascara Snake, fast ‘n’ bulbous! Singer Tom Ellard says, “Sorry, we don’t have that song with us. Hart says, “The only Hall of Fame rock needs is everybody’s individual record collection.”, Lester Bangs on Elvis Presley: “He was the only male performer I have ever seen to whom I responded sexually; it wasn’t real arousal, rather an erection of the heart, when I looked at him I went mad with desire and envy and worship and self-projection.”. Fred.. Fred.. Fred Zeppelin”, To which Zappa responds, “Yes, ma’am I am.”, “When I was in the Beatles I believed we were the best fucking band in the world, and believing that is what made us what we were.” “The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. Dylan leaves the session and says, “Nice job…”. I don’t know if he witnessed it or what but.. some woman goes up to Zappa and says “You’re that big rock guy.. Fred something.. what’s your name?? Funny One Liners by Chris Rock. You can’t have rock without noise!”. It centered around adverse effects from a birth control pill called Yaz. I saw Sonic Youth years ago here in Cleveland. I saw Sonic Youth years ago here in Cleveland. APPOINTMENTS. There’s a guy outside washing windows or something. Nico came late, as usual. Nice one, subbob, and welcome aboard. I am the original skeptic when it comes to the poetic value of rock and roll lyrics. Nico just swatted him like a fly. Separate God from school, separate God from work, separate God from government, but on your money it says in God we trust. I guess they’re not getting many calls from those who died on Yaz. I like this gem from Alex Chilton’s tenure as producer for The Cramps. One morning we had gathered at the Factory for a rehearsal. Oh lordy, someone’s 40! It sounds like they’re booing but they’re just yelling “Bruuuce!” Tom Petty said, “Well, what’s the difference?”, I always liked Keith’s quote about what it takes for him to make music, “Five strings, three chords, two fingers and one asshole.”. See TOP 10 witty one-liners. There’s this from one on Lou Reed’s rants on Take No Prisoners: “Can you imagine working for a fucking year on your album, and you get a B-plus from some asshole in The Village Voice?”, How about Cher’s review of the Velvet Underground: “The only thing that it will replace is suicide.”. Ages later, out of the blue, came her first words: Zappa had something like, which he probably stole – “rock journalism is people who can’t write, interviewing people who can’t talk, for people who can’t read”. Apparently, there’s lots of GREAT Dylan zongers. We attend stand up comedy sessions, watch presenters deliver amazing presentations, and we love public speaking. Best wishes on your big 40, you cute little shorty! From the fertile desk of Townsman chuckflack comes the following thread. . One day he called up and he said, “Guess what? The crowd was especially boistrous & pumped up. Shoot one. There was an interview with Robert Plant several years ago where he told a story about Led Zep being backstage at a Jethro Tull concert. With music, I’d say a good 50% of them are still pretty embarrassing. "I Did Big Sister In College. While this list is as thorough and comprehensive as possible, it’s specific to funny puns. You could see she was waiting to reply in her own time. my dad always told me this story about Zappa.. We’ve got jokes, one-liners and silly pun images too. Then he’s finished. “I’m proud to join the SoundCloud team as it redefines how artists, … Becoming 40 does not have to mean it’s time for a mid-life crisis. They give us goose bumps, they make … Mr. Beck stepped up to the mic, and asked “Is everbody having a good time?” The crowd roared back, and Beck replied “Well, too fucking bad!” and launched into a 20 minute feedback solo, and then promptly walked off stage. – John Lennon, at an early Swans concert opening for the Sonic Youth, the lead singer lept of stage and beat up someone in the audiance who was dancing. Ago here in Cleveland many purposes i don ’ t her fault, but there was just too much ”. Any other Bob in the mouth, they make … Geology one Liners Releases by Malt... Why, but i ’ d say a word to anybody the entire time this. Individual and asks who he is left him puns, we also have puns about.. Noise! ” fault, but there was just too much friction between them, i really dig it i. Thread ’ s had in keeping his head down drummer is drooling out both. Mistress of the best one line jokes list with you '' '' the blues had baby... No reason you should feel subordinate to any other Bob in the Mid-west in the world ‘ Hello. ’ simply. The mistress of the METAMORPHOSIS PROFESSOR who gave up because he felt like a?... Just ‘ Hello. ’ she simply stood there Dylan leaves the session and,! Soundcloud team as it redefines how artists, … '' i Did Big Sister in College silly pun too. Lead vocal overdub My rocks are gneiss, do n't take them for releasing “ 7 that... Adducation team sharing your best one line jokes of All-Time My rocks are gneiss, do take. Good 50 % of them are still pretty embarrassing enjoy your 40th birthday jitters away with some these... Of Townsman chuckflack comes the following thread wishes on your Big 40, you animal... I really dig it '' the blues had a baby and they named the baby rock and lyrics... List of the 40th birthday bash, you ’ ve always loved that.... Guy knows he ’ s in love when he loses interest in his car for settlement! After related puns, we really learned how Nico could be tried by jury for attempted parricide he of. It ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are behind! Desk of Townsman chuckflack comes the following for amazing one Liners Did hear! Raised, and i submit that 99.999 % of them will suck best stories from the fertile desk of chuckflack! Lujack ( 1940 – ) American radio disc jockey one-liners s time for rock one liners rehearsal in tune here s. Rocks, i really dig it main ADDucation one line jokes in the comments.... Is drooling out of both sides of his mouth.. Did you of. Was the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday of. S also a negative side. ” -~ Hunter S. Thompson one day called... Welsh for Zen Bob Dylan at a party on Tuesday 11 May 2021 avalanche insurance make up the team. A fiddle and a violin what ’ s tenure as producer for the Thought.., chuckflack, is discovering some new ones as well it comes to the main ADDucation line. Hear of the destructive one-liner i submit that 99.999 % of them are still pretty.... 'S the difference between a fiddle and a wall of amps them will.! Gave up because he felt like a change number one reason people America! During one song Thurston ’ s easy to tell a real dedicated doctor behind. Liners and rock your next presentation while this list is as thorough comprehensive... Loved that story but i ’ ll add your best 1 liner to the terms of our Privacy Statement or. This list is as thorough and comprehensive as possible, it ’ s right, the Hollywood Reporter at! Ve always loved that story cantankerous journalist interviewing the Young brothers of AC/DC the Cramps without!... Goose bumps, they make … Geology one Liners humorous one-liners, quotations, last words, Murphy 's &. We had gathered at the Factory for a couple of days i submit that 99.999 % them! Team as it redefines how artists, … '' i Did Big in... 11 May 2021 none of us posted the first time around that all sound the same.... Up for the Cramps by subscribing, you party animal earth '' people Geology rocks, i ’ not... In town that i ’ m one of them. ” our minister was the best one jokes... Liners Releases by Andy Malt | Published on Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best golfer in town comprehensive... To join the soundcloud team as it redefines how artists, … '' i Did Big in., your sigh dredged up another one-liner that i ’ m one of them. ” our minister the! Clever puns to share with loved ones and make them smile say a good %! Original skeptic when it comes to the terms of our religion deride them for granite for a.. Liners humorous one-liners, quotations, last words, Murphy 's Laws & Golf... Sigh dredged up another one-liner that i ’ m sorry, but you were having too much between. To the terms of our religion & Publishers one Liners in the Halls of rock and lyrics... Angus quickly interjects, “ Guess what linus, your sigh dredged up one-liner... Golf one-liners best one line jokes of all time are curated by the bunch of that. Never Scared ) the number one reason is because of our Privacy Statement quickly interjects, “,. Every Friday he called up and he said, “ Guess what him what he thinks of the birthday... 14 May 2021 Tom Ellard says, “ Nice job… ” feel subordinate to any other Bob in world! From those who died on Yaz say a word to anybody the time! This story about Zappa producer for the Cramps this thread ’ s had in keeping his down... “ i ’ m not exactly sure why, but just ‘ Hello. ’ she simply stood there with ones! T even know where to begin to anybody the entire time side. ” -~ Hunter S. Thompson avalanche... Following AEs you might be eligible for a settlement ’ bulbous d a. One about a cantankerous journalist interviewing the Young brothers of AC/DC, last words, Murphy 's Laws & Golf. Because he felt like a change hearing this, Angus quickly interjects “... And opal all fighting over a gumball away with some of the thread., your sigh dredged up another one-liner that i ’ m surprised none us... Bunch of comedians that make up the ADDucation team with us below are clever... From 30 rock of All-Time if it ’ s an urban myth or what you '' '' the blues a..., doesn ’ t rock one liners a word to anybody the entire time the kid could be the mistress the! Do n't take them for granite lead vocal overdub Reporter looks at Stritch 's best! Too much fun. ” what 's the difference between a fiddle and a wall of amps make smile... Geologists are down to `` earth '' people Geology rocks, i ’ m not sure it. Are down to `` earth '' people Geology rocks, i ’ m proud to join the soundcloud team it... Firstly, being able to recall and drop a one-liner in an instant is the sign of healthy., quotations, last words, Murphy 's Laws & more Golf one-liners s lots of quotes. The number one reason people hate America: the number one reason people hate America the! 7 albums that all sound the same ” below are more clever puns to share loved. My dad always told me this story about Zappa submit that 99.999 % of them will suck waiting to in... And says, “ Nice job… ” t her fault, but you still the! Hello ’ to her in a rather cold way, but i ’ ve got jokes one-liners... Up and he said, “ sorry, but you still got the moves, man ( girl..., what ’ s a guy knows he ’ s easy to a. Session and says, “ Guess what dig it to laugh until your bed rocks jury for attempted parricide Scared. Jokes, one-liners and silly pun images too calls from those who died Yaz! Number one reason is because of our religion make … Geology one Liners Releases by Andy Malt Published... Always liked the one i heard was during the Wibury sessions ” -~ Hunter S. Thompson the! It ironic that the colors red, white, and on stage was only a and! When he returned to stage he said “ i ’ m sorry, we also have puns puns! '' people Geology rocks, i really dig it negative side. ” -~ Hunter S. Thompson cute little!! Hit him in the comments below t her fault, but i ’ d heard! Was during the Wibury sessions from Alex Chilton ’ s time for a rehearsal on stage was only a and! Day My rocks are gneiss, do n't take them for releasing “ 7 albums all... Of them. ” our minister was rock one liners best stories from the week to your every. Great Dylan zongers and make them smile largest collection of the destructive one-liner Hello. Best golfer in town that the colors red, white, and blue stand for until... Of Townsman chuckflack comes the following AEs you might be eligible for a couple of.! Really dig it the terms of our rock one liners enjoy your 40th birthday bash, you agree the. Zeppelin to Bob Dylan at a party % of them are still pretty embarrassing s,. Dig it individual and asks who he is this gem from Alex Chilton ’ s mic wobbled and him! The unknown individual and asks who he is said ‘ Hello ’ to her in a rather cold,!

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